♫ Future, present, past : Sleep, dream, eagerness and efforts.

*happened to me, while lying for a nap. I'm not sure whether it was a dream or mere hallucination. 

This is suffocating, it is the Future. It seems dark.

It seems tasteless.

Sleep is not as soothing as it used to be anymore. 

I used to have the Sleep as my shield over the suffocating worlds’ judgment. 

Now… Sleep betrays on me. I can’t hell  shut my eyes, even for blinking.

The Future keep on hunting me down, grabbing me over the neck. Asking the Eagerness and Effort to exert, but… yet… Eagerness and Effort already inflamed by the deep bereavement over the tiresome days, weeks, months and years. 

It repeats itself. The Time. The scene. The faces. The voices.

I ask Future how to resurrect them back. I ask Future for a mere help. 

And it says… “It is on you. Get up, and fight!”.

Well then the Future hold my right hand fixed, tight.

Just then, suddenly warmness fills up my left hand.

I turn my head left. There stand the Present, with a smile on its face.

 “Hey...lets’ run together guys!” it bellows besides me.

 I look back for a glimpse of the Past… there is the Past.

It beams on me while saying “You shouldn’t look back. You can’t bring me along… just go. You have to live on. Don’t let me be the stone burden that holds you back. You can’t rise to the top with me on your head; you can’t live freely as I will tie your hand and feet down to the earth; I didn’t mean to, but it’s my nature”. Past seems so sad while saying that.

Yeah.. It is true, but…

my heart seems reluctant coz I know deep down... 

“Past… not all about you are bad. Parts of you is precious to me, Past! Part of you is really meaningful, you teach me how to live the Life, sometime you make me smile with all those happy memories… yes, you used to make me sad, but you are not all bad, I meant it”. Past stared at me brightly.

 “Then maybe you can keep me in your heart, friend! 

It is not necessary to bring me along. Just remember me! Make anything good out of me. 

Be positive will ya?” I nod. 

With that I said to the Future “I’m ready to run…” then... I flew fast... while Future holding my right hand on the front... as Present tagging along, holding my left hand, running with me side by side. The presence of the Past getting smaller and smaller at the back sight until it vanish. No it will never completely vanish. I could feel it there… the slight presence of Past and it's memories filling my heart.

Now and there, I have decide to resurrect them back … Eagerness and Effort, I need you to get hold of the Dream. To make it come true, to make it real, to help it born.

p/s: i wonder would Day transfer this pointless-depressing-nonsense shortfic into oneshot comic version? Would sheeee??? *side eyeing her very hard.

♫ Review :: Celcom Broadband SKMM

Assalamualaikum.

So, Dah gne Broadband nie for a week. Sebab nak test dia pnye limit download aku main downlod je cerite. So.. Dalam a week nie dah 3gb downlod benda. So far line dia always laju je.. downlod leh reach 3.0Mbps. Yeah.. laju. Best. Wait till you downlod banyak.. kekeke. So sekrang dah mendownlod 3gb++ . akibatnya dah jadi slow for downloading jugak for video loading or buffering, tapi untuk surfing and blogging, bukak email.. donlod docement ke, still laju. Untuk works puas hati, tpi untuk heavy usage. Ofcoz la not. Bagus jugak.. since niat guna pon mang untuk light use jek. untuk kerja and study research. For heavy usage, nanti balek rumah lah. 

Nota kaki: EIT kat rumah. Heaven.

♫ Out from Gua forever.

Assalamualaikum.

Seronok sangat sebab dah tak yah susahkan diri bertapa kat lounge semata-mata nak online and buat research. Ahaha.. dulu terasa macam tak perlu pon broadband nie, tapi bile dah satu sem bilik tak dpt wifi. Then baru tau la penangan tak de connection. Argh! So dgn bantuan Nina, kami decide nk beli broadband SKMM yg prepaid nie. Well.. kami bru dua hari try test guna nie. So blom leh nk komen a. Tapi kelebihan ade broadband nie macam savior la, dikala malam buta assignment and report blom siap... leh la online study dengan uncle google. Tak yah jugak kuar masuk bilik pergi cari line kat area tangga dan dimana-mana tempat router ade. STRESS tau. UIA.. sila la psang pencawang. Tak yah la pkai router. Bazir je... cepat rosak and range tak luas T_T

p/s: Kena rajin update blog a cam nie kan. Tak de reason dah nk malas-malas update.

♫ Tengah malam tengok gambar lama : Siapakah budak nie?

Assalamualaikum semua!

So.. last nite I went through that old albums of my family which seems haven't been opened like ages

 and there I smiled, laughed and smiled again. Siap guling-guling tgk muka aku time kecik. Seronok betul jadi kanak-kanak. I miss my happiness mase kecik.

My ummi have always keep on repeating my childhood stories, telling me that as a child I was a very happy-go-lucky type. Kerja aku sengih je memanjang. Mase tu kawan-kawan ummi aku bagi aku nick name as Ponthick ( Beauty Pigeon of Thailand masa tu). The only similarity-nye aku dgn Ponthick time tu ialah senyuman je. Sebab dia suke senyum and aku pon suke senyum. Harr harr.

Ummi jugak cakap aku mase kecik tak banyak ragam. But.. but.. but... I was so nakal after dah masuk sekolah rendah. Ummi cakap, aku suka berkawan dengan bdak laki je and selalu sangat gaduh dgn bdak pompuan. I guess I'm having that hard-to-believe-that-I'm-a girl-syndrome. LOL!

Not gay lah!! Haha... but I tend to play like other boys. Masak-masak wasn't my type of game. I preferred panjat pokok and police-entry-one-two-jaga-polis-mati-pencuri-jaga! Hahaha.. Anda Ingatkah lagu itu? Kalo tak ingat chilhood anda tak osem :p

So here I want to share my family old photos with you guys. 

This most handsome man on earth

meets this most lovely beautiful woman.

and got married.

After a year, got a daughter----> Me.

Comels kan budak kat atas nie, adoi... aku geram nak picit-picit je budak nie. Padahal itu gambar aku sendiri! Tapi-tapi... aku nak geram jugak! I guess mase nie aku 1 tahun kot. Rase nak jadi kecik balik je tgk gambar-gambar lame nie semua. T_T Wuwuwu.. #andaikubisamengundurmasa

Nie gambar aku dengan childhood best friends aku. Name dia Raihan. Nie gambar kat melaka. Mase pergi taman buaya. Family aku and dia masa nie sangat rapat sebab ayah aku and ayah dia satu kampung kat Thailand and diaorg study master kat Pakistan sama-sama.

Kan aku dah cakap. Kerja aku sengih je memanjang. Sengal gila aku mase kecik. *lempang diri sendiri. 

Nie mase aku 3 tahun kot. Tak sure. Mase nie ummi pregnant. Angah ade dlm perut.

Another fact about me. Aku membesar dalam UKM tau. Sebab ayah aku jadi fellow dekat kolej KAMSIS DATO' ONN UKM sambil buat another master kat UKM. Aku kira dah masuk university dari kecik lagi tau tak. Kawan-kawan aku sume university students.. LOL... ade korang kesah. =__=. Fine.

Eksen betul lah budak dalam gambar nie! Aku nie kiranye "suka dengan gambar" sejak dari kecik azali lagi la kan.*keling betul ayat aku. Haha.. Ehem! Actually, "suka bergambar" lebih correct. Heeee... :D

Yang sebelah kiri gambar dengan sepupu yang mang lebih kurang sebaya. Najwa and Ihsan. Najwa kakak Ihsan and dia sebaya aku. Kira aku paling rapat dengan dia la dlm keluarga besar, sebab kami membesar sama-sama. Ummi cakap aku lahir 6 June, and Najwa 8 Ogos. Osem kan birth date kami!! *berapa kali da gune osem...= w =. Oh, and Ihsan sekarang budak Engin UIA jugak,

muda setahun. While Najwa Medic kat UIA Kuantan. 

Here another fact, family aku seme graduan UIA. Hahaha.. Dah boleh buat alumni sendiri. 

OK SILA LEMPANG BUDAK BAJU MERAH NIE. 

Lol.. I was like, anak sape nie weh! Mengade gila. Takde posing lain ke? =__+*.. and that's my angah. Cute miut dari aku yang memang posing mintak selipar. Harr harr... and banyak lagi gambar aku time kecik yang lagi sengal dari nie. Tak leh tunjuk, tidak sesuai untuk ibu-ibu mengandung. Nanti anak dia jadi sengal macam aku. 

p/s: If our 7 year old-self come to meet us today, at the doorstep, would they be proud of us? 

Well..something to ponder. :) Wassalam.. 

♫ write about what u tot. not tot about what to write.

Assalamualaikum,

The title say it all. A friend of mine. Yep kamu, clone matlutfi! *sengih hingga ke telinga.

Nak ucap the verymuchbunch of thanks! coz you have open a tight window for me. I get to see more clear vision over blogging world. 

Yep, blogging is about writing off your existence, seems like writing on a small corner of space on the a4 paper. It is better compared to those scribbles on the wall or the doodles on the floor. *vandalism. U write and let the judgements flow as it is. Take critiques rationally. I'm admitting that I was once a coward who live on thinking upon others tot about me and I almost forgot about the biggest judge, the One that I should be concerned.

So, taken a big leap, I'm gonna post anything sincerely. Taking you guys as a good listener over the thoughts of mine. I will not hold back. But, if ever stumble upon you guys, anything anydeeds.. that seems wrong. Please remind me of the right. We will never be perfect. That's what I learned.

Big smile while writing. Big burden lifted away. Alhamdullillah.

p/s: I hope we could be friend. Even not facing each other. Sincerely by heart i will love all of you. Yes.. sincerely.